


Sevro, my son.

by bigaddfitchner



Category: Red Rising Series - Pierce Brown
Genre: Gen, Trans AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:40:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21532348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigaddfitchner/pseuds/bigaddfitchner
Summary: FTM AU: Sevro, despite suffering of dysphoria, won't dare to tell his father that he doesn't wish to be Sevra anymore. Fitchner has to figure everything out on his own, remaining a bit startled when he realizes the truth about...his son.
Kudos: 9





	Sevro, my son.

**Author's Note:**

> I have this one shot for more than a month abandoned in my phone notes. All it needed was a quick continuation and...voila! Hope you enjoy it and I am eager to hear your feedback!

This night was, until this point,...

Normal, to say the least. Goblin avoided me ever since I came back home and me, not wishing to disturb that can be at times a really destructive beast, followed her wish and became so little, she won't sense me — of course, in a hypothetical scenario. It aches my heart, but it surely pacify my mind. 

However, nothing nice lasts long in this life. Just as soon as I closed my eyes, deepened in an armchair so stiff it cricks me, everything went to the gorydamn toilet. Her footsteps are hard enough to create a crater beneath us. Loud enough to rattle me from dozing. Sevra shuffle her short legs around. I stay still for the first couple of footsteps — maybe she will find a place and stop, I think. Or maybe — just maybe — she will tell me what the slagging shit she wants. 

I am enduring. 

For a minute. 

But Goblin has little to no mercy for my eardrums.

"What are you doing, Goblin?" I ask, opening my eyes. 

Sevra drags herself back, surprised enough to startle. 

"I thought you were sleeping." She tells me, avoiding to look at me. 

"Yeah, well, maybe I was, but you are able to wake up the dead."

Sevra doesn't respond. It is only a low growl from her throat — nothing fascinating — before she turns her back at me. Her steps are a fast leap on floor — too fast. 

_Suspicious_.

I squint my eyes. She looks...different.

"The fuck you did to your hair?" I shout, just before she can slip away. 

I will not allow her — not this time.

I get up with a grumble. I fucking hate this armchair.

Goblin hesitates, before turning with half of face at me. 

I frown. 

Her hair... 

"You cut your hair." I say. 

"No shit." She spits to me. 

Her hair is ruined. 

Ringlets she inherited from Bryn...now destroyed. All my blood drops to feet. 

"What the gorydamn hell you were thinking about?!" I shout. 

Goblin doesn't move. Her fists are clenched, but I am not scared. Her fierce expression doesn't move me. 

"Your hair was so beautiful." I approach. She yanks herself away when I lean my hand in front. "No! Stay here. Stay slagging here and tell me what you were thinking about!" 

"I was thinking about making you have a heart attack and getting rid of your old ass!" 

"Oh? Is that it?" I snarl. "Then terrible plan because I am alive and really angry!" 

"Why?" She leans in front, with a taunting expression on her face. "Because you are balding as an ugly fucker you are." 

"It doesn't make any sense, stupid! And for records, Goblin, I am not fucking balding!"

 _I hope so._

"It does!" Sevra runs a hand in her hair, ruffling the short golden clew — my heart hurts at it's sight. "Why do you care so much? It is fucking hair!" She drags herself by a few strands, like a famished beast. "Hair! Hair! Hair! Do you want me to cut it all and prove you it doesn't mean shit?!"

I catch her by wrist. She bares her teeth at me.

"Are you an idiot?! Of course it fucking does matter!" I tell her. "Look at you, you crazy Goblin. You tried to cut that mop of hair you have and it only turned out uneven, shitty! You look like the crap from behind a bush!"

"I look like you!" She hisses at me, leaping right from under my nose and speeding to the bathroom. 

And so, she forces me to follow her. 

I don't know where did this gorydamned Goblin even found the strength to run like this, but her temper is surely a factor to boost those short legs of hers. 

Sevra yanks to the door, with me behind her, but still not quick enough. She jumps inside the bathroom, wishing to close the door behind. Bad for her because I manage to launch just at the right second, pushing my shoulder into it.

"FUCK OFF!" She yells at me, pushing as well from her side of door.

 _Shit_ , she is strong. 

"Yu don't tell me to fuck off in my house!" 

I gnash from teeth. My leg slowly slides on the ground. Bloodydamn shit, I will be falling.

"Get another house!" She pushes the door with both hands, screaming like a feral animal. "And a life! Especially a life, you boring fucker!"

I push myself again, and again, and again in the door. If it was about her force, then maybe I could've been glad, but it is nothing like that. 

Is all about pure rage that keeps me outside this slagging hell of a bathroom.

"Stop opposing, fucking idiotic Goblin! You are my daughter and I need to talk to you!"

"I AM NOT!" She yells to me, launching to the door. 

I can feel the slight turbulence, lightly moving me in place, but this time, I am fighting with all my weapons, too. 

"THEN WHAT YOU ARE?!" 

This time, I thrust with all my force, taking advantage of a moment of weakness from her, that makes her loosen from power. Sevra stumbles back, with the door hitting the wall as I enter in.

Fuck, not enter. 

Almost tripping to the floor. 

The impact sends her dangling to the bathtub, hitting herself, but not once in that moment absolving me of the rage in her eyes. Only this question succeeded into making her shut up for a second. 

A second. 

That's enough. 

"Screw you." She snarls. "Screw you and your decomposing face! I hate you!"

I grab her by shoulders just when she tries to slip from besides me, but no one said it was easy. 

"Bad news, girl, but we have the same fucking face!" 

Sevra struggles in my hands, obligating me to deepen my heel deep in ground to keep myself still. 

All while she spits around.

"You are the ugliest motherfuck I ever saw and I hate you!" She screams from on top of her lungs, hitting the floor with her leg. "I hate you! I hate you! I fucking hate you!" 

All until she finally steps on my foot, too. 

I yelp, giving her the chance to trickle like the stealthy turd she is.

"No, no, no. You are staying here!" 

I stretches my hands to her, catching her in the last moment by her shirt. She shrieks, but it is already too late — I secure my other hand on her, hauling her at my chest before she can leap again. 

"You are staying here and you are explainin-" 

"WHY DID YOU MAKE ME?" She screams to me. "WHY DID YOU BOTHER SPREAD YOUR USELESS GENE?!" 

"BECAUSE I WAS BORED, THAT'S FUCKING WHY!" 

I don't know why the fuck I said that.

"STOP INTERRUPTING ME, IDIOT!" 

Perhaps I am just as big as an idiot as she is. 

Even in my grip, Sevra doesn't hesitate a second to struggle. She growls as she pulls herself, first in front, then to sides. When she sees that it is not working and I have a better balance than she may have believed, she pushes her head behind. 

I dodge it at time, before she can slam my mouth with full-force.

" don't want to talk to you." I can hear her breathing harshly through her clenched teeth. "What part of it your shrunken brain doesn't understand?! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!" 

"I don't understand why you don't want to talk to me, fucking genius!" 

"BECAUSE YOU ARE AN IDIOT!" 

This time, she pulls harder, with much more power and rage than before, hauling me an inch further. 

But it seems like her energy went right to the toilet with this one. Sevra breathes out, fuming on her nostrils.

"And you don't understand anything." She then tells me, now with a different type of fury in her voice. 

"Make me understand, then! If you just run away and scream bullshits in distance I will never be able to understand the fuck you go through, you know?!" 

"You don't even look in my eyes when you say it, shit-taster coward!" 

I clench my hands tighter around her, turning with her still in my grip, just enough so we can both face the mirror. 

"Now I do." 

But her first reaction is to avoid her own reflection, once again pulling. However, this time, there is only a fraction of the power she had moments ago. 

,,I don't want to talk about this." She grumbles. 

"You will have to." 

For a second, she doesn't say anything, but her entire face is contracting. A sign just enough to prepare me for another explosive reaction, but the only one that really came was inside me. 

It is not just anger, but pain as well. She frowns, her lips tightened, fighting against a bit of glimmer that forms in her eyes. 

Tears.

"Sevra."

"NOW YOU CARE?" With that scream, she unleashed the tears I watched her fighting so much against. "YOU ARE ALWAYS GONE AND ALWAYS BUSY AND ALWAYS AN IDIOT WITH PISS INSTEAD OF BRAIN AND NOW, JUST NOW, YOU ARE A DAD." 

I open my eyes wide, feeling like hit by a metallic bat when she talks to me as such. It is not because I didn't know what shit of a dad I am, but because I hoped, through a single miracle this shitty life can give me, that she will not feel the same.

But it seems like luck is not by my side, this time, neither. 

When she drags herself in front, I let her go. I unwrap my hands and let her jump, as the crazed animal she became. In her instinctive yanking, she almost hits herself to the mirror, refraining in the last second. 

But the harm was made, anyway. 

She looks up to herself, stopping to few inches away from her own reflection. For me, this is the most beautiful thing I ever saw. 

Maybe even more beautiful than...Bryn. Not because of how she looks like, but because of who she is. 

My daughter. 

Our daughter.

"I love you even if I am not always here, Sevra." 

"Stop calling me like that!" She sobs, swirling to face me. "I told you so many times already, but you never listen to me! You never hear me! You tell me you love me and you are by my side, but all you do is only to nod everytime I am trying to talk to you and still do your shit!"

I am stuck. 

Frozen. 

It is so much worse than if she just ran away again, or if I had to throw myself to the floor to catch her. 

It is even worse than whatever time I had to stop her from trying to attack me, or from being obligated to pins her in place, in her worst moments. 

This... this is a situation I am not prepared for. 

"Just like this!" She yells, with tears flooding her face. "You are staying always and always like this! Useless! Silent! You are not even able to respond to me!"

"I..." I frown, searching in mind for any answer. 

But I don't find any. 

Only terror.

My daughter doesn't seem to understand it, though, when she pushes me aside and passes by. In that fraction of second, all my fears crawl back to me. 

The irrational fear that, just maybe, if she will storm out of that door, I will lose her forever. 

"I don't understand what you want from me!" I scream, making her stop in the threshold. ,,I don't fucking get it, okay? I am in idiot. It is what you wanted to hear so bad? Mm? I am an idiot and I don't understand!"

I can hear her pulling her nose, loud and powerful, with none of the grace I wished she would have. I watch her as she runs a hand at her nose, not doing anything but smearing snot with tears together. 

"Explain to me, Sevra. Do it." 

"First." She breathes, foaming as she turns her gaze to me. "I told you to NOT FUCKING CALL ME LIKE THAT I TOLD YOU SECONDS AGO! FUCKING SECONDS!"

"But why?!" I shout back. "Why don't you want me to call you by your fucking name?! I don't get it! It is so beautiful, so special!"

The name Bryn chose for her. Now, with so little mercy for my soul, she is rejecting it. Of course — she doesn't know. There is no way she could know what this name means to me. How much she breaks my heart with that glare of hers, wild and concrete on her belief.

"Is the name more special than my feelings?" She finally asks. 

But I don't understand. 

"No." I say — my heart roars with sadness, but my daughter is more important than any memory. 

In the end, she is the only thing I still have that binds me not only to Bryn, but to _life_ , as that thing that only caused me pain. 

"No, Sev...," My voice dies. "No."

Sevra is my life. 

"But I don't understand what your feelings are." 

Her facade — of a rough animal — is chipped by my words. Her body shudders. Her shoulders shake, when tears appears again on her reddened face. I put my hands on her cheeks. From instinct, she drags her face away, but I hold my hands tight on her. Tighter than she can fight against of, exhausted and tormented.

"Explain to me." I tell her.

Nothing changes. She stay still. Her eyes remain closed and glued by tears I wish I could wipe. My thumb comes closer to her lashes, but she rejects me. 

And I respect her wish, even if my hands remain still locked on her. 

" _Please_." I add. 

Sevra is more than Bryn's daughter, or my connexion to her. Sevra is the everything I can't lose. For her, I need to learn words I long forgot. 

Her golden eyes are looking back at me. It is so much pain I don't understand. I feel like a rag — dirty and used. Much beyond that, also no more fit to work.

If I was ever good at something. 

"Quit touching me." Sevra tells me, pushing my hands away. 

I back off, making her let out a strong groan. 

"I listen to you." 

Sevra curls her nose, snorting as she talks:

"Finally." 

I wait.

Our eyes don't even meet. Tinglings are slipping beneath my skin, but I don't say anything. I trust Sevra. 

Fuck. Who am I even trying to lie?

I don't. Not even in the slightest, for things so little like slicing the slagging bread, but I have no other choice. Goblin deserves this chance. 

"I don't like to be called your daughter." 

My heart misses a heartbeat. 

"And not because you are...," Her eyes glide on me. "You, but because I don't feel like it defines me. Only when I hear you calling me that name...it makes me cringe," Her fists clenches on her own arms. ''So, so bad...'' 

Her features, chiseled from fire and rage, are now softened by a sad, ice-cold wave, that runs from her sparkling eyes to her thin lips. Now, put in front of a silent version of my daughter, I damn how much I wished to see her like that — silent, not angry anymore.

Something is missing and I feel like I can't fix my Goblin. As such, is much worse than having to cling myself to her so she won't jump with teeth and claws out. 

''Then how do you want me to call you?'' 

I step closer, but the strain inside her didn't yet break. I stop when I see her terror, but she doesn't cease from trying to go away. Sev...Goblin hauls her legs behind, all until she hits herself by the door. There is no place to hide anymore, finally, and only realization makes her talk to me:

''Not...that.'' Her shoulders rise and my child deepens her chin in her chest. ''I don't like you call me like that or any...any kind of fuck name you give me. I don't want to hear you ever call me your daughter.'' She pauses, before she finds the power to talk again: ''But I know you won't listen.'' 

Maybe it would've been much easier if she plucked her hand in my chest and drag my heart out. Maybe it would hurt less.

''What if I promise you?'' Her eyes darts up to me. ''Would you...then believe me?'' 

I try. 

However, each of the second spent with her eyes silent makes me doubt myself more and more. My palms are wet. I lean them in front. She doesn't move. 

''Just tell me the name you want.''

Even if it makes me feel like heaved through dirt. 

''How do you want me to address to you and I will.''

Her eyes are hidden behind lashes. I wish I could see them. I wish I could know if what I am doing is right or wrong.

''Do you know why?'' I tilt my head in front. ''Because I promise. I am an ugly, balding if you will, motherfucker,'' She smiles at the remark and my soul shines at her sight. ''But if I promise, I will keep my word. All you have to do is to enlighten me. Use your gorydamned mouth and tell me what you want. I know you are not a mute. I know it because you cursed the shit out of me seconds ago.'' 

''It's not the same.'' She whispers.

''Then combine them.'' Her mouth open surprised. ''Combine your desire with the most filthy shit you can create.''

She looks at me for seconds. Is hard to stay still on foot. Is hard to have patience, but I have to control myself. I know from the fire in her eyes that her witty mind is baking something vile. I smile at the thought. 

''Then,'' She breathes in. ''Take that slagging name and shove it so deep inside your old fart-hole, that no one will ever find it.''

''Okay. Fine.'' I rise hands, just at the level of my head. ''I took it. I put it between my buttcheeks. No one will ever find it. Do you want me to call you Goblin for the rest of your existence?''

Her puffy chest now deflates at my words. She looks down, with a sigh:

''No. You can also take that name and put it there,'' My daughter hugs herself tight. ''I want you to call me...,'' But her voice quenches.

''Yes?'' 

Sweat and tears are glimmering on her face. I can see her eyes agitating, still hidden away. Her mouth is opened, but there are no words. I clench my palm on the sink. Impatience crawls to surface. I wait.

And wait. 

I feel like talking, but I seal my lips. I don't want to scare her. However, even with lips glued together, my daughter still seems scared. Her own thoughts are more powerful than anything I could say. Just when I blink, Goblin shuts the door open. She is crying — harder than before, but every of her sob is buried deep in throat. My hands leaps to catch her, but they stop in air. Even Goblin shutters at their sight, even more when she sees nothing happens. 

She stops and we exchange gazes. My chest tightens. She looks...

So miserable. 

''If you go,'' I say, letting her slip. ''If you go, then I will not know how to call you. I will not know who you really are.'' 

I didn't expect anything to happen. If my child would've thought it is better to hide, I would've been powerless, but Goblin doesn't go. She stops abruptly, with her steps just inches outside and with her fingertips brushing the doorknob. She remains motionless, so does my heartbeat. 

Now, I don't have to wait.

My child turns her own head to me and talk with her own voice, when she whispers:

''Sevro.'' 

But this new _language_ her tongue is speaking ruffles my mind.

''Sevro is my name.'' 

And I don't understand.

My silence hurts her. I can see from her eyes, the short flick of head that remembers me that I failed.

Again. And again.

 _Sevro_ is leaving. 

Now, the odd haircut makes more sense than it did moments ago. Now, her cry, her trembling, speaks volume to me, but — slagging fuck, I still...

I still don't understand. 

I rush after my child — Sevra, or Sevro. Regardless of the name, my child remains my child. For her, I strive and I still hang by life, contending with her on my mind. Not her name. In my soul, my child has no name, but my mind speaks so different from that. 

''Sevro!'' I shout.

It sounds so weird. 

My mouth almost didn't want to let it released through lips, but I know a fight more was worth it, when my child turns around. Her eyes are not wild anymore, sharpened by pain. They grow bigger, lighter. 

''Sevro.'' I say again. It is so weird, so new. ''Sevro is the name you want, right?''

I am sorry, Bryn. 

I am. 

Or maybe I am not because you would've understood better than I do. A name won't make a difference for you, as it does for me. And you would know how to fix the bad, when your own child falters to tell you what makes... _him_ happy. 

''That's why you cut your hair.'' I say, with little steps to break the barrier between us. ''That's why you said you don't feel comfortable being called my daughter,''

The only thing I beg to be forgiven for, my love, is that I didn't understand sooner. Your child cries because of me.

''Because you are...'' There is a twinge in my throat, but I am stronger than it. ''My son.'' 

I don't understand the life that unrolls around me. I don't understand the words I am speaking, but as soon as my own child wraps... _his_ hands around me, everything makes sense. 

He is Sevro.

My son.

_Your child, my love._


End file.
